


Didn't I

by Dee_Laundry



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-11
Updated: 2007-04-11
Packaged: 2017-10-14 14:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/150060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dee_Laundry/pseuds/Dee_Laundry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wilson, after episode 3-18 “Airborne”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Didn't I

_There's something else I want to say, but I don't know what it is._

It’s almost eight – Robin will be here any minute. Wilson, Dr. Wilson, James looks at himself in the bathroom mirror and thinks, “Didn’t I used to be handsome? And young? I think someone called me handsome once, and I know I used to be young. In med school, or college, or before then. Older than my peers, of course; reading older people’s books, watching older people’s shows, but I was young.”

He tries to smile at his reflection, but his cheeks feel too heavy for much lift.

He’s given his life away, and there’s nothing to show for it. He’s middle-aged, and he’s spreading, softening, and he’s too tired for the sustained effort needed to hold back the clock at this point.

His patients like him, but his boss doesn’t give a damn one way or the other for him. His colleagues don’t ask him to consult; his direct reports don’t ask for his advice or guidance. He’s young for a department head at a teaching hospital; he’s young for a department head at any hospital, honestly. But the trailblazing, prodigy-esque spark died out somewhere along the way, and he knows this is as far as he’ll go.

No wife, no kids, but he can’t help but think that’s for the best now. He’s got no energy to give them, anyway. The bits of strength, love, pride, esteem that he’s got all are sucked into the vortex, given up the way some fictional primitive would sacrifice a virgin to the volcano god. The volcano, of course, being incapable of feeling or comprehension, with its eruptions preordained and inexorable.

House will never love him as much as he wants. Brother, lover, ten-year-old best friend forever – they’re all just different sides to the same oddly-shaped coin. Any of those could suit, could work, but none of them will ever happen. He accepted that the moment he learned House had left for the other side of the world without telling him.

The knock on the door is Robin; he invites her in. She’s more beautiful than she was in the hospital, and he’s not quite sure how that could be possible. He gives her the money – one of his few remaining assets – but he doesn’t think he’s going to touch her. He might’ve once, when he was young and handsome.


End file.
